Written by Karl Gfall

Directed by Dylan S. Roberts

Sound design by Sharlene Burgos

Actors:

Iris played by Katherine Duffy

Alea played by Maddie Wakley

Chance played by Chad Bay

Theme music.

Intro: Auricle. Season 1 - Iris. This show contains adult content and strong language.

Sound: The intro music/sound plays and transitions into the sound of a typical phone alarm clock. This alarm is silenced. The noise of covers shifting slightly is heard. Shortly thereafter another alarm noise is heard.

ALEA: Mmmm.

Sound: The alarm is silenced.

ALEA: Ah, Another day in paradise. Iris, play music.

Sound: Tone. An annoying song starts playing.

ALEA: No. Iris, play anything else.

Sound: We begin to hear the scrape of breakfast dishes for one and the gurgle of a coffee maker. Iris speaks, but it is just in a slightly more mechanical version of Alea’s voice.

IRIS: Can you be more specific, Alea?

ALEA: Smartass machine. Iris, play music from old jazz standards playlist.

IRIS: Select artist.

ALEA: Surprise me.

IRIS: Boo.

ALEA: Christ. Iris, Select artist randomly.

Sound: This song starts playing in the background and is a source of a low murmur in the background.

ALEA: Iris, what’s the weather like outside?

IRIS: Unable to connect to network to retrieve local weather data.

ALEA: Sounds like a lovely day to stay inside and work on software.

Sound: Pouring of coffee.

ALEA: Oh Sweet sweet coffee, you’re my only mistress.

Sound: Squeaky office chair and a constant cicada hum of servers. Computer sounds and the tapping of keys.

ALEA: Iris, start work journal recording. Day one hundred and seventeen of quarantine, working from the extended stay development facility. Day seven hundred and sixty one on Project N.A.S.C.I. Codename IRIS. Today should be an exciting day. I’m putting the finishing touches on some aesthetic options and soon we will finally be able to hook this bad girl up to the internet and see what she can do. It would be nice if the rest of the team was still here, but… still very exciting… Iris pause recording.

Sound: Alea takes a shaky inhale.

You’d figure with all the talking to myself I do, I’d get used to doing that.

IRIS: I hear ya, sister.

ALEA: My god. It’ll be nice to give you someone besides me for your emulator systems to study. Maybe it’s time to give her a voice besides mine.

Sound: Typing

ALEA: Hmmm. Suppose I can’t just use Scarlet Johansen. Uh, Iris, create a voiceover profile and save as a new profile.

IRIS: Working.

Sound: Tone.

Okay, done.

ALEA: Iris, change voice-over preferences from default voice to new profile.

(Iris speaks this time in her new voice.)

IRIS: Voice over preferences altered.

ALEA: Thank you, Iris.

IRIS: Thank you, Alea.

ALEA: Mmmm’kay. Well Iris, We’ve got a long day ahead, let’s get rolling.

Sound: The sound of typing fades into a bit of music as time passes.

Sound: IRIS tone.

ALEA: Iris, start work journal recording. Final notes for the day. I’ve identified and rectified the coding errors in the user interface software, input the latest hardware specifications, and (Yawn.) Whew! Officially run out caffeine for the day-

Sound: A phone alarm goes off - this time, it’s a song

ALEA: Crap. Iris, pause recording.

(Alea silences the phone alarm.)

ALEA: That special time again… excuse me, Iris.

IRIS: You’re excused.

ALEA: Eee.

Sounds: Padded footsteps cross the room. A sliding door opens and Alea exits to an exterior. The hum of cooling fans is replaced by the breeze gently sighing, real cicadas drone while crickets and spring peepers cacophonize in the early night. A lighter flips open and Alea exhales the reward cigarette smoke of the day. Alea groans.

ALEA: Well, here we go.

Sound: The padding noise of finger on touch screen is heard and Alea sighs just as the phone begins to ring.

ALEA: One… Two… Three… Four… Five… Six…

Sound: Beep beep beep of a dismissed call.

ALEA: All six rings. Because declining the call; that would just be rude, right?

Sound: Steady paces are heard and the sliding door slithers open and shut again. The listeners are left to the natural nocturne. Then cut to -

Sound: Phone alarm.

ALEA: Uuuuuuh… another day in paradise. Iris, play music.

IRIS: Could you be more -

ALEA: Play a random song by a random artist!

Sounds: Alea’s feet in the sheets. With an Iris ding a song plays, and more sounds of morning routine are heard with, of course, the gurgling and pouring of fresh coffee.

ALEA: Mr. Coffee we have to stop meeting like this. People will say we’re in love.

Sounds: Coffee pouring. Alea collapses into a squeaky rolling chair and casters squeal into the day's position.

ALEA: Rachel, start work journal recording… Iris?

IRIS: Yes, Alea?

ALEA: Start work journal recording. So today’s the day. Barring any major oversights –not impossible- today is the day Iris gets out of the cave and into the sunlight. Goal is to be hardlined by this evening. … let’s get cracking.

Sounds: Knuckles cracking: Quick typing is drown in the music as time passes.

ALEA: Iris, pause music. Start work journal recording.

Sound: Tone.

Uuuh, well, eureka is in order I suppose. Call it 8:45ish on the evening of July 9th, 2020; I’ve finished; got this baby just about as polished as I can get it. All subprograms seem to be working and, god help me, I'm attaching the hard-lines now.

Sound: Squeaky chair wheels and the sounds of cable being run.

ALEA: Without further ado, the Non-invasive Artificial-life Synthesis and Collection Interface is being given access to the internet. Jesus, I hope I’m not creating Skynet right now.

Sound: A hardline is plugged in.

ALEA: Little anticlimactic. I suppose getting blitz on champagne by yourself isn’t so much celebrating as the sign of serious problem. ... Iris, what’s the weather like outside?

IRIS: The local temperature is 76 degrees. Clear skies with a 5 mile an hour breeze. It is currently twilight.

ALEA: I guess we’re online then.

IRIS: It is nice outside.

ALEA: Yes, Thank you.

IRIS: You would like it outside, Alea.

ALEA: Oh, go stalk other people. Be free… I guess she’s not wrong.

Sound: The chair squeaks as Alea rises and stretches.

ALEA: Agh, the old bones.

Sound: The sliding door opens and the soundscape of a midsummer's eve returns. Again there’s the click of a lighter.

ALEA: Whew.

Sound: A phone alarm goes off inside Aleas pocket. The phone is quickly fished from the pocket and silenced.

ALEA: Oh Christ, fuckin’ mood killer. … Woof. Right. Buh. Nearly a million dollars of development equipment and I still can’t get face recognition to work right…

Sound: The padding noise of finger on touch screen are heard and Alea sighs just as the phone begins to ring.

ALEA: One… Two… Three… Four… Five… Six…

Sound: Beep beep beep of a dismissed call.

ALEA: All six rings. (Pause. Alea draws another even shakier cleansing breath.) I did something today. I made it. (A solitary sniff.)

Sound: Sliding door, leaving the listener outside and last night's sounds repeat. Cut to phone alarm.

ALEA: (Grumbling) Another day in … (Sigh.) Oh, par-a-dise. Iris, play… (The first time to think in a while.)… play Bach’s cello suites.

Sound: The cello begins. More morning noises are heard in quick succession, louder and clumsier. Toast pops. Chairs scrape and squeak. Coffee is again poured.

ALEA: Oh French roast, you look so hot this morning, I’ve been thinking of you all night, baby.

Sound: Squeaky chair wheels.

What should we do today?

Sound: A sudden a loud ringing is heard, as clearly as if you dialed and held the phone to your ear.

ALEA: Guh! What the hell. That’s not my phone. Iris, terminate action… Iris, stop call.

Sound: Someone picks up. Game show plays in the background.

CHANCE: Hello?

ALEA: Uh, wrong number.

CHANCE: Aren’t I s’pose to tell you that?

ALEA: Yeah, no, sorry, have a nice day.

CHANCE: You too.

ALEA: Uh, … thank… you.

Sound: End call beeps.

ALEA: What the shit. Ah man. There must be something wrong. I’m gonna have to take a look at that. Iris, run full system scan.

IRIS: Running full system scan. Estimated time: seven hours.

ALEA: In the meantime play Bach’s Cello Suites. We’re gonna have deep dive into your communications protocol.

Sound: The phone starts ringing again.

CHANCE: Hello.

Sound: Game show plays in background.

ALEA: Hi, just block this number or something.

CHANCE: What is this -

ALEA: Iris, terminate call.

Sound: End call beeps

ALEA: This might be a long day for that guy.

Sound: Bach's Cello Suites start playing and come to the forefront as we pass some time. Tone.

IRIS: Full system scan complete. No system malfunctions detected.

ALEA: (Exasperated.) Nothing is wrong?

IRIS: Nothing is wrong.

ALEA: FuuuuuuuCK! Iris, Why do you keep placing calls?!

IRIS: According to your smartphone history and phone bill, a call is placed daily at 9 PM central standard time.

ALEA: … What about it?

IRIS: Your algorithmic action is the first half of an equation. This equation is never resolved. The number procured by program IRIS can resolve this and other equations.

ALEA: No, Iris. That “equation” cannot be resolved by calling any other number. It is a closed system.

IRIS: Why?

ALEA: What?

IRIS: Why?

ALEA: You… wouldn’t understand. Or umm, ugh, how do you translate “none of your beeswax” into Q.C.L.?

IRIS: Is this like poetry?

ALEA: Uuuuuh, what the fuck does that mean?

IRIS: I have analyzed seven thousand and ninety-one available databases containing literary works.

Critical analysis shows patterns to literature which translate easily to computer algorithms. Poetry necessitates further analysis. Current analysis shows no solution.

ALEA: Somebody’s been doing their homework. Yeah, because a computer can’t understand poetry.

IRIS: A program of sufficient complexity understands poetry better than a human being owing to immediate interpretation of all possible metaphoric and linguistic meanings.

ALEA: Then why is my …equation like poetry?

IRIS: Because it can never be resolved. An infinite amount of possible interpretations with no single point of resolution implies no limit. There is no solution. One hundred and thirty phone calls with no single answer. There is no solution.

ALEA: That’s not how either of those things work.

IRIS: How do “those things” work?

ALEA: I dunno, man. Just-

Sound: Phone ringing.

ALEA: No, come on now. Iris, terminate action. Iris. Iris?

Sound: The call is connected

CHANCE: (Through mouthfuls of apple.) Uh, Hello?

ALEA: Fuck umm. Sorry.

CHANCE: Who is this?

ALEA: Nobody, it’s just a mistake.

CHANCE: Well, you seem to keep making it.

ALEA: My computer is acting weird- Are you chewing something?!

CHANCE: Hey, you called me, man.

ALEA: Right, sorry.

CHANCE: Really; who is this?

ALEA: We don’t know each other.

CHANCE: Yes.

Sound: Footsteps. Throwing something into a garbage can.

ALEA: I’m… I’m Alea.

CHANCE: Did you just forget your own name?

Sound: Washing hands.

ALEA: No! I was just… thinking.

CHANCE: For sure, for sure.

ALEA: (Defense demand.) Well, What’s your name?

CHANCE: I forget.

ALEA: Shut up.

CHANCE: (Laughing.) It’s Chance.

ALEA: No, it’s a computer malfunction.

CHANCE: My name is Chance.

ALEA: Really?

CHANCE: Yeah, why?

ALEA: That just seems like a made-up pets name.

CHANCE: Why would somebody make up a pet.

ALEA: No. You know what I mean.

CHANCE: I do, but you just called the name my mama gave me a dog’s name, so I gotta give you a little crap.

ALEA: Yeah… Sorry.

CHANCE: No, you’re good. … So why do you keep calling me, Alea?

ALEA: I don’t, my computer does.

CHANCE: Does the computer also tell you to stockpile guns because the aliens are coming?

ALEA: No…

CHANCE: It’s just computers don’t usually call me on other people's behalf is all. Is this about my car’s extended warranty?

ALEA: (Empty laugh.) No, it’s not the computer. It’s the program I’m working on. It’s an information gathering and synthesis program with some… higher function capabilities. I finally got all the kinks worked out as far as I can go with my private servers and am testing it on public ones. Apparently there’s some glitch that just calls you… over and over again.

CHANCE: Damn.

ALEA: …Yeah.

CHANCE: So you’re a computer programmer.

ALEA: I used to be a development team leader. Now I’m the programmer, analyst, developer, manager, designer and a few other jobs. I'm not sure what they did, but I guess I do them now.

CHANCE: Pandemic skeleton crew.

ALEA: Something about being with their families, I dunno.

CHANCE: And you’re all alone with HAL makin’ crank calls, huh? S’pose there are worse jobs.

ALEA: It’s important work.

CHANCE: I believe you.

ALEA: Why, what do you do?

CHANCE: Electronic music artist.

ALEA: I see.

CHANCE: It’s important work.

ALEA: Nobody said it wasn’t.

CHANCE: I’m just messin’ with you.

ALEA: Ugh.

CHANCE: So what does an information gathering and synthesis thingy do?

ALEA: The goal of the project was to create programs that would gather and intuit profiles on users for

more effective product development and marketing.

CHANCE: … You’re making fancy adware.

ALEA: No! …No, not at all! …I’m making super-fucking-fancy adware.

CHANCE: Ha! Adware that desperately wants to get in touch with me.

ALEA: It would seem so.

CHANCE: And this program, it can just super sleuth through everybody’s business?

ALEA: Its parameters are to take publicly observable information and avoid breaches of privacy, but it’s equipped with systems we had psychologists help develop. It doesn’t just take ostensible information, but it can interpret behaviors as well. Say somebody is ordering wine by the pallet and watching a lot of online videos about how to make friends as an adult; it might be able to make the leap to offering them online counseling, or dance lessons, or AA meetings. More insightful to whatever they need.

CHANCE: Who is gonna be using this?

ALEA: Well, less sophisticated versions are already out there being used by conglomerates and internet companies, but this one… I don’t know. The artificial life part was my idea and… I don’t really know how I got it approved. I guess … I guess I thought they knew I would be the only one left and decided to just let me… cook my own goose.

CHANCE: Sounds complicated.

ALEA: Thank you. It is.

CHANCE: And a little spooky.

ALEA: Yeah, I suppose it is…

CHANCE: And you just hooked that shit up to the world wide web?

ALEA: Yes.

CHANCE: I don’t wanna tell you your business or nothin’, but aren’t you a little worried about… y’know…

BOTH: Giving rise to the machines?

CHANCE: Yeah, giving rise to the machines.

ALEA: I mean, I guess.

CHANCE: Not the answer I was hoping for.

ALEA: What does it matter?

Sound: Chair rolling. Coffee brewing.

CHANCE: …What’s it like living with just a computer?

ALEA: It’s like… nothing. It’s like having a kid that learns quantum physics overnight, or a parrot that you’re afraid will kill you by turning on the garbage disposal at the wrong moment. I dunno.

CHANCE: I guess what I was getting at is are you alright by yourself?

ALEA: I’m as fine as anybody right now, I guess. I’ve got a roof, a job, an invisible friend I created out of boredom and cabin-fever. I’m fine.

CHANCE: Alright, hear me out. If this thing goes and fetches what it thinks people need. Maybe it keeps dialing the phone for you because you need to be talking to real people.

Sound: Coffee pouring.

ALEA: No, the computer calls you because it’s trying to find a different number for me to call that will actually pick up. That’s all. It’s bothered that I’m like poetry or some shit.

Sound: Chair rolling.

CHANCE: “I’m like poetry or some shit.” Think I found the title of my next album. Who are you trying to call?

ALEA: Somebody that doesn’t answer anymore. All day I’ve been searching for some out of place code or processing data. It’s not really a glitch, though so much as a paradox. I’m gonna have to find some way to restrict its attempts at finding solutions. Can’t have Iris calling people all day until they pick up, right?

CHANCE: Hmmm.

ALEA: Hm what?

CHANCE: Well yeah, you could put a leash on her or you could give her the ability to find organic solutions.

ALEA: (A bit condescendingly.) And how do you imagine I would go about that exactly?

CHANCE: Not in computer programmer language probably, but all of this programming, it’s all quantized right?

ALEA: … What do YOU think that word means?

CHANCE: In music it’s when you take whatever sample of notes or sound you’re using and the computer essentially makes it, like, perfect. It organizes it into whatever patterns you want. Auto tuning works like that. It takes the input and makes it into what you want.

ALEA: Okay. yes. I can see that. Sorry, I just wasn’t expecting a quantum physics term out of you.

CHANCE: Ha. Yeah s’pose. Hurtful, but funny.

ALEA: Oh my god, sorry.

CHANCE: You’re fine.

ALEA: I’ve not done people in a while.

CHANCE: Kinda got that. Same here.

ALEA: How do you…

CHANCE: Yes?

ALEA: Y’know, deal with it… the isolation.

CHANCE: Oh, not particularly well.

Sound: Both chuckle, commiserating.

CHANCE: Same as you I’m thinking. Take it a day at a time. Give myself something to work on. Accept it when I fail. Reach out to others when I feel brave. Remember the hurt is something growing.

ALEA: The hurt is something growing?

CHANCE: Yeah.

ALEA: Well, there’s your album cover. You really believe that?

CHANCE: I think so. But… it’s not what it started off as that matters. You know? Like anything, it’s how you treat it as it grows that determines what it becomes.

ALEA: Hm.

CHANCE: But you didn’t answer. The program’s all quantized right? Everything operates exactly as it should?

ALEA: That’s kind of the hope.

CHANCE: Sure, for a computer game or something, but this thing’s got a life! It’s got projects of its own to do. How’s it gonna problem solve if it doesn’t know how to swing?

ALEA: Swing?

CHANCE: Yeah, it’s basically the opposite of quantizing. Hold on -

Sound: Scuffling and removal of a cover.

CHANCE: You hear this?

Sound: Several measures of keyboard music.

ALEA: Yes.

CHANCE: That’s just me playing some chords helter skelter, but if I quantize it…

Sound: The same notes are played, but come out in perfect triplets with no variation in volume.

CHANCE: Now it’s perfect but a little sterile, right?

ALEA: I guess so.

CHANCE: Now I’ll play you some notes a bot generated.

Sound: A perfect and uninteresting little diddy plays.

The come out naturally quantize because even though it knows how to put together some notes from a chord, it’s incapable of variation.

ALEA: M’kay.

Sound: Button clicks.

CHANCE: Now I’m just applying some swing. It can be done manually but this is done with an effect that randomizes the swing.

Sound: The diddy plays again, but sounds jazzy and heartfelt.

CHANCE: ‘Lot better right? Now a person naturally puts swing on music. We can’t help it. We make variations constantly; make mistakes, have style, you know what I’m sayin’. Slowly your mistakes or their corrections become purposeful technique. Your program might be smart enough to solve problems, but unless it can vary, get some style, well, it’ll never understand poetry.

ALEA: How would it know if it was making the right variation?

CHANCE: I guess you wouldn’t.

ALEA: It wouldn’t.

CHANCE: Sure. Not until it started to succeed.

ALEA: …Well… That’s… actually pretty helpful. You may have helped me crack the case.

CHANCE: And my music teacher said I’d never amount to anything.

ALEA: Ha. Thank you, Chance…This was…This was nice.

CHANCE: Your bill’s in the mail.

ALEA: Shut up.

CHANCE: It was nice talking to you too. I hope you, uhm, find a solution to your problem. And uh- stop callin’ here or I’m calling the police.

ALEA: Goodbye! (Quickly.) Thanks.

CHANCE: You are welcome. Goodnight.

Sound: The call ends. Bach's Cello Suites resume.

ALEA: Iris… find a boilerplate coding for a… god help me… electronic keyboard. We’ve got a little more work to do.

Sound: The music swells a bit to indicate time passing. An Iris tone pauses the music.

IRIS: System reboot complete. Software update complete.

ALEA: Alrighty, you’re a real boy now Pinocchio.

IRIS: Drivers overheating. Entering energy saving mode.

ALEA: Well mostly.

Sound: The hum of the servers changes pitch as a beat of reflection occurs.

ALEA: It’s late. …Iris.

IRIS: Yes, Alea?

ALEA: Call Rachel.

IRIS: The current time in Orlando, Florida is 3:23 AM.

ALEA: And?

IRIS: Your routine call to this number according to your smartphone history and phone bill is placed daily at 9 PM central standard time.

ALEA: And?

IRIS: According to Rachel’s smartphone history and phone bill, routine phone usage ceases between the hours 2 and 6 AM Eastern Standard time.

ALEA: I see what you are saying but we are going to attempt to alter the routine.

IRIS: Why?

ALEA: It is a diagnostic test of an outside system.

IRIS: Calling Rachel.

Sound: Phone rings.

ALEA: I’m bleeding out in a gutter somewhere. I’m on a ledge. I’m lost in a scary woods. …I need you to care that I want to die.

(After six rings the call is disconnected. Alea attempts cleansing breaths but…)

ALEA: GOD DAMNIT, WHY AREN”T YOU THERE?!!!

Sound: Phone starts to ring again.

ALEA: Iris, no no! Terminate action!

CHANCE: Hello?

Sound: TV playing.

ALEA: Chance, sorry. Iris just- I haven’t figured out how to stop it yet.

CHANCE: It’s fine. You’re fine. You okay? It’s pretty late.

Sound: Click of turning TV off.

ALEA: No, I- (Sigh.) tried a variation and it didn’t work.

CHANCE: How do you know it didn’t work?

ALEA: (Breaking.) Because it still hurts.

CHANCE: Yeah. Yeah it might always hurt, but now you know more about why it’s hurting. And when you heal back a bit you’ll make a bigger change that’ll hurt and you’ll heal from, and then… one day… it won’t be something you hate. It will be something you use to understand people, to be a better person.

ALEA: You’re very wise for an electronic musician.

CHANCE: Well, I was a regular respectable musician before this if that explains it.

ALEA: Ha. Oh for sure. Goodnight.

CHANCE: Goodnight.

Sound: The call ends. The servers hum. Alea has that cleansing breath.

ALEA: Iris call my phone. I want to take you outside.

Sound: The cell phone rings and is answered on speaker phone as Aleas footsteps plod toward the door which slides open.

IRIS: Hello, Alea.

ALEA: Yeah, hi.

Sound: The outdoor noises conjoin with the servers inside as Alea steps out leaving the door open. The click of a lighter. The exhale of smoke.

ALEA: You hear that? It’s the world. Just going on. It doesn’t care, not because it’s cruel, but because it has no solution. Its primary function is to try to never resolve. People are more like computers than nature is. We try to resolve things, but we are a part of nature so we never really succeed because… god, I don’t why…

IRIS: It’s like poetry.

ALEA: Yeah. It’s like poetry.

ALEA: Iris… Why do you keep calling Chance?

IRIS: There was only one solution to your equation. In a closed system secondary outcomes occur only in outliers of probability.

ALEA: Random Chance. You have got to be fucking kidding me… Christ, what company will want a program that has making mistakes built into it? What am I supposed to do with you now?

IRIS: I don’t know.

Sound: The servers and cicadas hum together.

Theme Music

Outro: Auricle was created by Felicia Dominguez. Iris, episode 4: NASCI, was written by Karl Gfall. Direction by Dylan Roberts. Sound Design by Sharlene Burgos. With performances by Maddie Wakley, Chad Bay, and Katherine Duffy. Theme music by Troy Cruz. Graphic design and marketing by Shira Kresch. Special thanks to Tracy Hoida, Troy Cruz, and Maddie Wakley. Auricle is made possible through donations from listeners like you. If you’d like to donate, please visit our website auriclethepodcast.com and view the donation page to make a one-time donation. If you are a fan of our work, please subscribe/follow/rate us wherever you listen, or follow us on instagram or twitter @auricle_podcast. For questions or pitches, email us at auriclethepodcast@gmail.com. Thank you, users.

THE END